WHO Scramble to Rename Novel Coronavirus by June Deadline

Citing FTC Regulations prohibiting the use of prefixes implying newness to products which have been available on the market for more than six months, the World Health Organisation today announced its intention to rename the pathogen behind SARS-CoViD-2 as something less neoteric than Novel Coronavirus.

‘It’s really about the same thing as Coca-Cola renaming “New Coke” as “Coke Two” in the eighties,’ explains Tedros Adhanom, Director-General of the WHO, ‘People kept calling it “New Coke” pretty much up until the day no one talked about it at all, but the company behind it had to update all their labels and marketing and whatever.’

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